Wednesday, June 24, 2009

The idiocy of YouTube

When I saw this video, I fucking lul'd so hard.

This kid is retarded, and yet another example why sex education needs to emphasize on "not fucking your brothers and sisters" cause this kid is obviously the result of incest.

Monday, June 08, 2009

Death To Cloud Computing, And Why Gmail's IMAP Access Sucks

NOTE: I did not finish this post, I decided to post it as-is two months later.

First of all, let me start this off with a very clear message: FUCK CLOUD COMPUTING.

While, yes, I'll admit I really have no idea what this so-called "cloud computing" is, it sounds like a load of useless shit to me.

A good friend of mine pointed me at a cloud computing project called Eucalyptus (, which is an open-source cloud computing implementation, which supports the Amazon S3 and EC2 APIs. They also have a public-access cloud setup for people to demo the software in action (presumably for users like me that lack the infrastructure to host my own cloud). So I go and setup a new account, download Amazon's EC2 API tools, and the X.509 certificates I need for the cloud.

OK, let do this thing... not so fast!

They give you an automagical shell script to setup your environment variables (aside from EC2_HOME; this is for the EC2 tools themselves, pointing the directory they are installed in, and this is an aesthetic choice, left for the user to decide when she installs). However, (and this is my fault for using Micro$hit WinDOS) the script is only of use to UNIX users, so you have to manually set your environment variables (although having the script on hand will prove useful). Now, I setup all the environment variables, following the UNIX shell script as a guide.

The shell script looks something like this:
EUCA_KEY_DIR=$(dirname $(readlink -f ${BASH_SOURCE}))
export S3_URL=
export EC2_URL=
export EC2_PRIVATE_KEY=${EUCA_KEY_DIR}/euca2-segin-xxxxxxxx-pk.pem
export EC2_CERT=${EUCA_KEY_DIR}/euca2-segin-xxxxxxxx-cert.pem
export EUCALYPTUS_CERT=${EUCA_KEY_DIR}/cloud-cert.pem
export EC2_ACCESS_KEY='2UC-AbUnChOfRaNdOmNeSs-A'
export EC2_SECRET_KEY='SoMeMoRe_RaNdOmChArAcTeRs_FoRaCrYpToChAlLeNgE'
alias ec2-bundle-image="ec2-bundle-image --cert ${EC2_CERT} --privatekey ${EC2_P
alias ec2-upload-bundle="ec2-upload-bundle -a ${EC2_ACCESS_KEY} -s ${EC2_SECRET_
KEY} --url ${S3_URL} --ec2cert ${EUCALYPTUS_CERT}"

Roughly translated into NT cmd.exe syntax, you get this (computing the top line by hand)

set EUCA_KEY_DIR=C:\Documents and Settings\Segin\.ec2
set S3_URL=
set EC2_URL=
set EC2_PRIVATE_KEY=%EUCA_KEY_DIR%\euca2-segin-xxxxxxxx-pk.pem
set EUCALYPTUS_CERT=%EUCA_KEY_DIR%\cloud-cert.pem

All right! So you should be set. Notice that in the above blocks, all cryptographic keys and IDs were removed, so if you try to copy and paste from the code abone, it will not work as-is. Fill in your own (real) details.

Now, let it be known that, yes, I did RTFM. I made sure I had both the Amazon and Eucalyptus documentation open in Chrome throughout the experience.

So, I finally get the the magical bit, where they tell me to me

Intel's Laptop Gaming SDK Sucks

Well, fuck me.

I have an Acer Aspire One, and I decide I want to play Guitar Hero III: Legends of Rock on it. A quick search of Google tells me that, before I get started, I am going to need to use 3DAnalyze. It also reveals YouTube video of it working on this very laptop.

Well, fuck, it doesn't seem that hard. All I have to do is set "Emulate Hardware TnL", and set a VendorID and ProductID to that of a nVidia card (and the 3DAnalyse window gives some ID values for nVidia cards to use, making that non-trivial).

Sure, whatever, should work. It works for other people, should work for me. Do exactly what they do, it should work.

Right, nothing in life is ever that simple.

So I go start up 3DAnalyse, I set the options, and start the game. But, when you go to actually

But why? It's a pretty random crash, and there seems to be no documented cases of this bug. Worse off, most gamers that have computer expertise, that expertise is usually in hardware, and some basic Windows troubleshooting. Sadly, the only way I was even able to pinpoint the problem is because I know the inner workings of software.

I can start the game, get to the main menu, set settings, etc., but anything that tries to show shiny 3D graphics causes a crash in the Intel Laptop Gaming SDK DLL (IntelLaptopGaming.dll), which sucks ass. Particularly, go to Quickplay, select a difficulty (any will do), select a song (any will do), and wait on the "Loading" screen. When it's done loading, say "Hello, desktop!" as the game crashes and dies.

I have the GNU debugger setup as my system debugger. GDB shows that the crash happens in the Intel DLL, about 2-3 functions deep from GH3.exe. What is going on, I can't tell, due to the black-box nature of commercial software.

To date, I have no idea what's wrong.

If it matters, I am running Windows XP Home Edition, Service Pack 3.